evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
