Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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