i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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