awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
