I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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