Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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