im holly from the hills drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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