he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize
