so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
