I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
