you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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