like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
