I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
