you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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