I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
