we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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