I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
