His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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