And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
