brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
