my vag is so smooth its legendary
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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