dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize