At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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