no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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