I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
