Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
