Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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