some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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