1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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