hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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