Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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