So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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