sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
