I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize