I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
