why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is Oprah even human
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
