he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
