her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
