My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
