I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
