i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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