I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
