She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
