I'm drive I can fine osifer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
