Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
