Don't make out with my wife yet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
