you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
