I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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