i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
