I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize