I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
