Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
