the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
