no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
