I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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