How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
