Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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