i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
