I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
