Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
