We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
