Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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