You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
