i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
