I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
