Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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