Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
