I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
