There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont even know how to be here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is my gift to your gina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize