I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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