It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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