How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
